Help a Loved One Through Cancer

Help a loved one through cancer the right way

It’s terrifying when a loved one is diagnosed with cancer. But friends and family members play an integral part in a cancer patient’s treatment. They may even have a role in the patient’s survival. Here’s how you can be the most supportive friend or family member.

Don’t play doctor

If you’ve never been seriously ill, it can be hard to understand just how much information your sick friend has had thrown at him. It’s likely he or she has been inundated with opinions and advice from several doctors. It’s also likely that he or she has researched the problem on the internet. So it’s unhelpful when friends and family say things like “Have you tried a cleanse?” or “Would you like to meet my shaman?” or “Just drink a lot of water, and you’ll be fine.”

In particular, it’s important not to second guess your friend or family member’s doctors. While it might be your place to encourage a second opinion, you should not offer a medical opinion yourself unless you are a cancer specialist. 

Focus on treatment & avoid pity

Pity is one of those emotions that needs to indulged sparingly. It really isn’t useful to the cancer patient. Cancer patients go through really harrowing treatments in order to beat the disease. What they need is encouragement to endure treatment and continue treatment even when it becomes unendurable. What they need is compassion. Don’t quit talking about the future. You don’t want to give the impression that you think your loved one isn’t going to make it. Instead, plan things you will do together after treatment is done. Maybe you’ve always wanted to go to Italy or go skydiving together. Make real plans for doing that.

Cancer patients are often too weak or distracted to drive. And they may lose motivation to continue treatment. Your role, as friend or family member, is to make sure the patient gets to every appointment. This means giving a ride and, often, waiting in the waiting room with your loved one. You can to squeeze a hand and provide treats and incentives. Set up a reward like going out for ice cream after chemotherapy. Tell your loved one that, as soon as the radiation treatment is done for the day, the two of you are going to binge watch your favorite show.

Cancer patients will have to spend a lot of time in bed, sleeping and recovering from treatment. Make sure that he or she is as comfortable as possible in bed. It helps to replace scratchy sheets with a high thread count or a microfiber one. It’s a small thing, but it goes a long way. Replace too-soft pillows with memory foam. If your friend or loved one is up for a day at the spa, offer to treat her. Massage is good treatment for the secondary effects of cancer, especially pain and anxiety. Again, it’s the small things that really go a long way.

Arrange for pet care

The last thing any cancer patient needs is to be worried about the care of a beloved pet. Talk to your loved one about how his or her pet will be cared for. If they have a dog, then the two of you may want to hire a daily dog walker. That takes at least one burden off the patient and relieves anxiety about the welfare of his or her animal.

Tell your friend not to worry about their pet when they go to the hospital. The two of you should arrange for pet boarding during that time, unless you or another friend or family member is able to care for the pet at that time.

In conclusion, cancer is a very real and life-threatening milestone. We all hope to survive it. Friends and family members fill an important role in making sure the patient gets to all appointments and in focusing on the future instead of lamenting the present.

Author Bio

Scott Sanders is the creator of CancerWell.org, which provides resources and support for anyone who has been affected by any form of cancer. He is also the author of the book Put Yourself First: A Guide to Self-care and Spiritual Wellness During and After Cancer Treatment.