Grow through the Pain

What doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger!

There is suffering in life. “Loss” can mean different things to different people at different stages of their lives. A young person may grieve a romantic breakup, whereas an elderly person may be devastated by the untimely passing of their child. While there isn’t a single person who can claim to have a life without any misery, a few stand apart.

How?
With their ability to transform the pain.
Whereas difficulties are imperative, healing is optional.

Many problems occur when we stop listening to ourselves. Anger issues, for example, could be due to profound low esteem of self-worth or a sense of loss. We don’t all grieve in the same manner; some put on a strong face while fighting sadness within. Some may develop phobias post dealing with a major setback. In a world where mental health awareness is still growing, most individuals remain uncertain about their inner selves.

Ask yourself, talk to yourself, embrace your own self before asking others to do so. Even to ask for help, you need to be first aware of the fact that you need help. More than ever, social media shows people portraying an image of their lives being picture-perfect, whereas they are internally struggling. Please understand it’s ok to not be ok.

Societal norms have created an expectation that we automatically reply, “I’m fine,” even when we’re not. This often creates a pattern of self-delusion, and we begin lying to ourselves. We need to understand that it’s absolutely normal to feel sad. What really matters is awareness – we need to be aware of our feelings and emotions.

Once we are aware of our sentiments, the next step is to regulate it. One way of doing that is to express ourselves.

Different people express themselves differently – while some may do so in creative pursuits, others may be content to vent to a friend. Whatever method we choose to express, it’s important not to bury our feelings deep within. This may cause problems if it’s unregulated. We cannot realistically expect someone to always be there to lend a shoulder to cry on, nor can we escape or hide all the time. We need to manage our emotions before they get the better of us. Sometimes, it may cause us to become over-dependent on some form of external support – such as food addiction, shopping addiction, social media. These are forms of escapism.

There is a saying – The mind can be both best your friend and worst enemy. Fortunately, this can be controlled with sufficient willpower and determination. It’s easier said than done, but we have to move on sooner or later. It’s a matter of shifting focus and attention. While it’s not easy to do it immediately, it’s about getting into a disciplined frame of mind.

Meditation is an excellent way to start. It is nourishing for the soul. It helps bring perspective on the brighter side of life and appreciate the little things. The breathing practices alone bring a breath of fresh air and oxygen. It helps improve our brain chemistry and has a cleansing effect. Previously there used to be a misconception that meditation is only for the highly spiritual. With the events of the last many months, increasing numbers of working professionals have begun meditating. It has played a major role in improving their emotional and mental well-being.

Master Choa Kok Sui said, “Can you fix yourself without a mirror? Somebody who dislikes you is like a ‘mirror’. He can help you grow spiritually.”

Appreciate your own self and don’t give up. Even if you are making an effort to read this piece, you have taken a step ahead on the path of recovery and healing. Don’t neglect these small efforts you and others make for you. Appreciate the people who really care for your well-being, for your smile and life at large.