A Good Relationship, Completion not Competition

“One’s not half of two; two are halves of one.”

E.E. Cummings

A good relationship is one of the most valuable assets in life. Think about a time when you were broke and a friend held your hand or when you were down and someone cheered you up… If you think about it, you find your life full of these small and big incidents.

Everyone needs such supports in life. To have many good friends or to be alone, all depends on your attitude. You are the one who attracts or repels.

Just as a good relationship can improve all the aspects of our life and bring good health, happiness and peace of mind, a difficult relationship can be a tremendous drain.

But good relationships don’t just happen! A good relationship is not a competition with a winner after every argument, it is basically a completion and to build a good relationship much patience, love and care is needed from the people involved.

It is therefore necessary to take care of our relationships and look at them as an investment to achieve greater happiness in life.

Remember that always two hands are needed in order to clap. So even if your partner is not willing to improve the relationship, you alone can make a difference. So start today…

1. Regulate your Expectations and Increase the Love

Most of the times, anger is the result of an unregulated expectation, which threatens the relationships. Just as love strengthens the connection, anger tears it apart.

First of all be realistic about the nature of every relationship. In a close relationship you cannot expect to experience love, peace and agreement all the time. There will be disagreements, disharmony and arguments in any relationship and as your connection gets stronger, the frictions get more.

Don’t break up immediately!

“Relationship problems are like hurricanes. They come and they go.”

Master Choa Kok Sui

Some people think that if they need to work on their relationships, then it is not a good relationship for them. There is a saying that “roses always come with thorns!”

No matter how sweet and beloved a person is, there will always be shortcomings. In case of an argument or problem, use love to cool down the situation and improve the condition.

“In marriage, you love a lot and forgive a lot. Love is the lubricant.”

Master Choa Kok Sui

Look at life and your relationships realistically. Life is not a fairy tale! In fact problems in relationships happen to make us internally stronger and more compassionate.

Learn from every mistake. Use every difficult situation to help your soul grow.

“A difficult Relationship helps the individual to develop Patience, Tolerance, and Forgiveness.”

Master Choa Kok Sui

2. Build a Good Self-Image and Be Happy

Sometimes relationships get difficult because one person tends to look at the partner as a source of self validation and interpret every small act as a means of self-sabotaging.

A good self-image is in fact one of the very basic requirements for a healthy and strong relationship. If we cannot love ourselves, how we can expect others to us back?!

“The negative self-image about yourself is not you. The negative image created by other people about you is not you.”

Master Choa Kok Sui

Work on your self-image before you involve yourself in any relationship. In fact if you have enough love and respect towards yourself, you have more chances of attracting a better person in your life who shows love and respect to you too.

If you have enough self-confidence, upon making any mistake, you don’t blame your partner to hide yourself from criticism. A good self-image will make you get responsible for your feelings, needs and actions, instead of waiting for your partner to make you feel happy and secure. In fact true happiness comes from within not from without! Loving yourself instead of self-judging and excessive self-criticism can help you in this case.

Remember, everybody makes mistakes.

“Don’t make a big fuss when you make a mistake. Just keep going.”

Master Choa Kok Sui

Accepting and loving yourself and your mistakes can further help you accept other people’s mistakes as well. So instead of anger and over criticizing, you will learn to forgive.

3. Learn to Forgive and Let Go

In every relationship, forgiveness is one of the most important factors that determine the state and durability of a relationship.

“You must Learn to Forgive or you will dry up like dead wood…Do not be unhappy. The past is the past! Let go, learn to Forgive and Forget. Let Go and Go on Living!”

Master Choa Kok Sui

We are all from various backgrounds, personalities and preferences and we are all in the process of evolving. Because of all these differences, disagreements happen in any relationship. Sometimes arguments happen just because of misunderstanding and misinterpretation. Upon having any disagreement or argument, it is wiser to think about the matter first before reacting and jumping into conclusion or fight. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to look at the matter from his/her point of view. This will give you a better understanding of the situation and help you forgive easier. Give time to your partner to calm down and relax and then talk about it. Your explanation when your partner is bursting out with emotions won’t help at all.

Once the situation is calm, share your viewpoints and give time to him/her to share. Then forgive each other and move on.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”

Martin Luther King

Also remember that whenever you are facing any problem in your relationships you need to speak it out. When negative emotions and dissatisfactions are piled up, they get like a volcano. If get exploded, it is very difficult to handle. When matters are still small talk and solve them, don’t wait until they get really big.

4. Be Responsible for Your Actions and Look For Solutions

Relationship is not a war field and sometimes it really doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong, but doing the right this is what matters the most.

So stop the blaming game, be responsible for your actions and look for solutions. This not only helps your problems get solved faster, but also will teach your partner also to take responsibility for his/her actions.

This is one of the major problems in relationships as no one likes to be at blame all the time. In fact problems in life and in relationships happens. No one is perfect and every body is bound by his/her imperfections. Even sometimes it is not anyone’s fault. So instead of putting so much time and focus on the problems, focus on the solutions. After all, problems in life are supposed to make us grow and growing implies times, process and lots of mistakes.

5. Count Every Moment and Make it Fun

Often people take their loved-ones for granted, as they assume that they always have their love, so they feel secure. Unfortunately this happens with many people.

“In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”

Bertrand Russell

To keep the love and sweetness active in every relationship it is therefore important to show that you always care. Spending quality time together is in fact one of the factors that nourishes your relationship and strengthens your connection.

Especially after marriage and getting busy, people tend to spend less quality time. No matter how busy you get, it is still important to make time for your partner, to be together, to talk, play, laugh and love.

Try to have fun together in a regular basis. Getting crazy sometimes doesn’t hurt. Put some effort to revive the joyful feeling that you had when you first felt in love with you partner. Don’t let your passion and love subside because of regularity. Treat your partner in such a way that you never think that you could give more. Every moment matters!

References

1. Master Choa Kok Shui. (2000). Pranic Psychotherapy. World Pranic Healing Foundation.
2. Master Choa Kok Sui. (2004). Experiencing Being, The Golden Lotus Sutras on Life. Institute for Inner Studies Publishing Foundation.
3. Master Choa Kok Sui. (2004). Compassionate Objectivity, The Golden Lotus Sutras on Character Building. Institute for Inner Studies Publishing Foundation.