”Relationship problems are like hurricanes. They come and they go. You have the freedom to wallow in mud or to love again, to live and to be happy!”
Master Choa Kok Sui
When two people start interacting closely the rate of friction increases. You start noticing what you don’t like about the other person in detail and if you don’t have enough love and understanding towards one another, there are chances that your relationship will end.
Relationship problems happen in every relationship; you don’t just experience happy moments and harmonious conversations. There are also disagreements, conflicts and problems and they exist to help us grow and evolve.
“Family life is one of the fastest way to Spiritual Development. Inevitably, there is a relationship friction. You develop Self-sacrifice, Self-control, Patience, Flexibility and Tolerance.” – Master Choa Kok Sui
What makes a relationship work despite all the difficult moments is in fact love. Love is the lubricant that helps us accept people as they are and treat them with enough care and understanding.
Besides love, there are other factors that we need to consider in order to improve the condition of our relationships.
We need to realize that relationship is not a war. There is no winner or loser in every argument or quarrel. Relationship is a training ground to help us get stronger and more compassionate.
These problems more or less happen for everyone. The key is to know how to address them and solve them.
Most of the relationship problems come from a poor communication. When there is lack of attention, there will be lack of understanding and when there is misunderstanding there will be miscommunication and misinterpretation.
You can’t communicate well if you are reading a newspaper, checking your handphone or watching your favorite channel on TV.
Listening is an art! When you communicate with your partner, you need to give full attention to him/her. You need to understand his/her ideas, wants and needs.
Proper communication should also be accompanied by respect. Use your body language to show them you are listening and even if you don’t agree with what you just heard, express your different opinion with respect. Respect is a sign of maturity.
Give each other enough time to speak without interrupting. Listen well and reply with respect.
All relationship problems can be solved if you spend time, talk it over and decide how to fix them.
Lack of Trust
Trust is one of the most important ingredients to have a strong and happy relationship. Just as you expect your partner to give you full trust, you need to trust him/her back.
Trust is a key element of any relationship.
However, trust is not created overnight! It needs to be gained. If you are not receiving it, you need to look back at what you have done and what has caused distrust in your relationship.
Now, if you are the one who finds it difficult to trust others then you need to address the unsolved issues from your past that prevent you from trusting others.
Transparency, taking responsibility, honesty and care can help you gain trust toward each other very easily.
Always remember, when there is love, there is openness.
“Extreme openness between partners occurs when they feel a lot of love.” – Master Choa Kok Sui
You also need to stand by your words. If you promise to finish a task, to be home at a certain time or to call, do It! When you remain committed to your words and promises, people will trust you more.
And be available in times of crisis. Don’t overreact, but help overcome them. This will also help people trust you more as you are available when people need you the most.
Though money might seem trivial to some, especially when the love is so intense, it is one of the very important factors in keeping a relationship going.
Many relationships have fallen apart, just because of not having enough money.
For some married couples, money problems can even start before the wedding, or because of the high costs of the wedding. So if you have money woes, it is better for you and your future, to spend some time with your partner before marriage and have a serious conversation about finances.
Be honest about your current financial situation. You need to be realistic! You need to know where you are right now and where you want to be in another 1, 3 or 5 years.
In order to change any situation, first you need to have a clear and objective view toward your life and the problems you are facing.
Be transparent. If you have any debts or have made some financial mistakes, talk about it. But don’t blame the other person for every small little issue! Acknowledge your own mistakes, so that your partner will acknowledge his or her’s.
Furthermore, construct a budget policy that both of you agree to follow. Include your savings in your budgeting; start with 10% and gradually increase your savings to 30%.
Set financial short-term and long-term goals and start tithing. when you give, you will be entitled to receive. Donation and tithing will eventually make sure you live an abundant life.
Taking the Relationship for Granted
Relationships need constant care and nurturing in order to stay healthy. Just by saying “I do” and committing to a serious relationship, you won’t get love for the rest of your life. Often relationships lose their value when time passes by, as both partners become busy with work and daily responsibilities.
Just how building a healthy physical body needs hours of exercise, dieting and workout, keeping a relationship healthy and full of love needs enough care, attention and creativity.
Remember how you used to treat your partner when you were still dating; how much time you would spend preparing, just to see him/her. You need to keep that attitude going.
Although it’s in our nature to take things for granted when they become ordinary and part of our day-to-day life, we need to break this habit and keep the love spirit rolling.
Plan date nights! Especially if you are both very busy, you need to schedule your time together on the calendar; and when you are in your date nights, put your hand-phones in silent mode! Let voicemail pick up your calls.
Be creative. Surprise each other to keep your relationship fun and joyful.
Furthermore, show appreciation. Call each other throughout the day and give each other compliments. Show that you care.
Love is the thread that binds people together. You need to show your love towards your partner through your thoughts, words and actions.
Coming from different backgrounds and being raised in diverse environments, we all think, feel and act differently. Therefore there will always be different opinions and disagreements in any relationship. You can’t find any two people with similar beliefs and personalities.
The purpose is not to stop arguments, but to handle them in a more matured way. When disagreements happen, it’s not the matter of who is right or wrong; it is all about doing the right thing. It is the matter of handling the situation properly and in a civilized manner.
Reacting strongly in the midst of an argument just makes everything worst. Wait for the right time, when both of you are emotionally calm.
A common response to an argument is some kind of controlling behavior or denial.
Experiences have shown that controlling through anger, blame, judgement, resistance and denial doesn’t help. The more you try to control, the more it adds to the conflict. Stay calm and detached; forgiving your partner internally helps you keep your calmness. Don’t even try to explain. When your partner is emotionally disturbed he/she won’t listen to you.
Once the situation calms down, you can sit and talk it over. Always resolve the problem, otherwise, they just get accumulated and become bigger and eventually out of control.
Then forgive each other, learn the lesson, let go of the past and continue living and loving.
Stress is one of the main issues that can cause a serious relationship problem. We are living in an era where stress is a common ingredient in almost everything we do. It has become so widespread that even children complain of beings stressed out on a daily basis. And although we might not realize it, the truth is that stress is one of the primary reasons behind many breakups.
When a person is under tremendous stress, he/she tends to use the partner as a “psychic garbage can,” dumping the stress or emotional hurt on the other person. Most of the times this happens unconsciously, but whether conscious or unconscious, releasing stress or emotional hurt on another person is not ethical. Dumping stress will affect the other person too and often leads to heated exchange of words and in some extreme cases, physical violence.
When this pattern gets repeated over and over again, you may not see any reason to continue the relationship. We all look for partners that make us happy and help us grow, not someone who constantly creates arguments, irritation and hurt.
The best way to deal with stress is to make use of energetic approaches such as self-healing, meditation and psychotherapy. Pranic Psychotherapy is one of the most effective methods that can be used to improve emotional issues and relationships problems.
Stress is basically a type of energy and can be disintegrated and removed. When you and your partner are both cleansed from stress, your relationship will become more peaceful and happy.
Lack of Responsibility
As adults we are all expected to take responsibility over our words and actions. Though it’s easy and may feel more comfortable to escape from responsibilities and put the blame on others, we need to learn to face the music.
This simple issue is in fact one of the reasons why some relationships fail. No one wants to be besides someone who always criticizes and blames others but never takes any responsibility. After all, our relationships are supposed to help us grow and evolve. If we don’t take responsibility over our own deeds and do nothing to improve, we will never change for the better.
One of the fast ways of improving the condition of our relationship is to stop the “blame game” and accept responsibility where it is due. Once we understand our mistake, there is no point meditating on it. Focus on solutions and improve the situation!
Remember that everyone makes mistakes. Mistakes are part of life. So instead of making a big fuss out of it, it is best to think about the solutions, learn the lesson and let go.
Pulling Each Other Down
Relationship is not a competition, but a completion. If you look at your relationship closely, you will find out that you are very different from your partner; like two opposite sides of a magnet that are attracted to each other. Then you realize that you need each other to become whole and complete.
Often unconsciously, we look for someone to complete us; someone who can help us grow and evolve; someone who makes us see the world from other angles. And that makes each relationship unique and exciting.
Your role in the relationship is not to prove to your partner that you are right, but to help him/her see the world from your perspective and as a result think wider.
“Just as your eyes have Blind Spots, your mind also has Blind Spots.” –Master Choa Kok Sui
We need each other to grow. Each person is different and each person is unique. No one is better or worse; just different! And everyone is evolving.
So instead of focusing on shortcomings and pulling each other down, embrace your differences and push each other further to break your limitations.
Remember the Law of Karma: When you help other people grow, you will be entitled to grow. As you encourage your partner to grow and bloom, he/she will also respect you further and love you more.
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