The Secret is in the Heart!
Being likable doesn’t have a fixed standard. It varies from culture to culture and person to person.
There are people with whom we connect more, even from the first look; and naturally these are the ones who vibrate with us. They like what we like and they share similar opinions with us. Definition of likability is therefore very subjective and it lies mainly on how we live our lives, our family values, perceptions, cultural beliefs, and even our gender.
Though likability is something very personal, experiences prove that there are some behavioral patterns that are often considered more attractive or likable by most people; and these deal with our human nature – a being of love!
Love binds us together! Love attracts, harmonizes and nurtures. Love is not selfish, critical or repelling. It forgives and forgets!
People who are likable are often big-hearted, easy going and fun to be around. At the end of the day, no one likes to spend time with someone who criticizes, blames and hurts so often.
Throughout life, we may come across many people from different countries, cultures and professional backgrounds; some are fun and likable and some not; and no matter who they are, and what they believe in, how they look and what language they speak, if they have some unique characteristics, we will find them attractive and we will like them.
It is like a universal “thing” that speaks beyond many boundaries and connects us on a totally different level. Some of these characteristics are:
People who are likable have open hearts. They are warm and welcoming. They care for other people and are ready to embrace them, even strangers.
It might have happened to you that you see a stranger and you feel they don’t want you to get close and communicate with them! Often such attitude is originated from insecurity, shyness or even pride.
Likable people welcome you with a smile. You feel comfortable being with them, even from the first encounter; and the key to be warm and welcoming is having an activated Heart chakra.
Heart chakra is the center for positive higher emotions, including love, warmness, sweetness, happiness and compassion. Love attracts!
“A flower cannot blossom without sunshine, and man cannot live without love.”
Another quality that arises from an activated Heart chakra is patience, tolerance and forgiveness.
“Forgiving is not the matter of who is right or wrong. It is the matter of doing the right thing.”
Master Choa Kok Sui
For a person with an activated Heart, winning or losing the argument or situation doesn’t matter! It is keeping the relationship that matters the most!
Let’s put it this way… We are all human being, and are all bound to make mistakes. Mistakes are part of life. Mistakes help us grow. As you expect other people to forgive you when you make mistakes, you need to forgive others for their mistakes. Let’s not be too exact with others! Sometimes it is best to forgive, forget and continue living and loving.
If you are forgiving, you will become inclusive.
You will include everyone in your love.
Likable people take the loving feeling into action! It is easy to feel compassion or sympathy toward the needy, but it takes strength to actualize it.
And as you start helping your family members and friends, your circle of love expands and before you know it, you are helping strangers and people in need.
When this happens, your love becomes universal. Your Crown chakra gets developed and you become a channel of God’s love and mercy. The more you help, the more loving you will become. And the more loving you become, the more likeable you will be.
“Try to help others. Consult their weaknesses, relieve their maladies; strive to raise them up, and by so doing you will most effectually raise yourself up also.”
Joseph Barber Lightfoot
Helping doesn’t need to be in a specific setting. You can help whenever you find a chance. If you see someone is depressed, cheer them up. If you know someone needs advice on a subject that you have experience, offer them your time and expertise. If you know people who need food, clothes or shelter, help them. If you know someone is sick, do healing on him.
There are tons of ways to help. You just need to look around!
& more Humility
Likable people are not arrogant. They don’t have too much pride and egotism. They are humble. They are easy to access.
“By being high, you become low and by becoming low, you become high. By being humble, you become high.”
Master Choa Kok Sui
Often people who are too proud, have insecurities and use pride to mask their fears and insecurities.
A person who has self-awareness, and a good self-confidence will become humble. Such a character knows his strengths as well as his weaknesses. So he knows that there are topics that he doesn’t have enough knowledge about. At the same time, he knows what he is good at. So he neither gets proud nor feels low self-confident.
Such people don’t always want to show off their knowledge or skills, and usually won’t take the whole credit for themselves while working in a group. Instead, they will recognize other people’s good work and effort too and praise them for what they have done.
a Sense of Humor
A likable person is optimistic. He doesn’t nag and complain all the time.
No one wants to be with someone who always complains and criticizes.
Optimism increases your energy level. It makes you radiant and attractive. Your optimism is also contagious. It will transfer to others and make them happy and vibrant too.
“Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
In our current society, people are often stressed, depressed or feeling lonely. Be the one who cheers them up! Be the one who spreads optimism, happiness and hope to the rest! Make this your mission – to help people get over their negative feelings. In this way you not only generate lots of positive karma by helping others, you also become incredibly likable.
One of the things that can help you gain an optimistic attitude, in spite of having problems of your own and limitations in life, is a sense of humor.
“A sense of humor enables you to enjoy Life and to deal with it realistically.”
Master Choa Kok Sui
Be the first one who makes fun of your own mistakes. Laugh at your mistakes but learn from them. Life is a playing ground. We learn from our mistakes. So don’t be too serious. Learn the lesson and move on. Make your failures your fuels for success.
Trust is an important ingredient in every relationship.
People don’t like the ones who promise and never stand by their words, people who commit but never accomplish.
Be trustworthy! Stand by your words. If you promise to finish a task, to be there at a certain time or to call, do It! When you remain committed to your words and promises, people will trust you more.
And be available at time of crisis, when people need you the most! Don’t overreact, but help them overcome the problems. This will also help people trust you further as you have been available when they were in need.
All the above are good things to do. They all will help people like you more. But remember, in whatever you do, you need to be genuine. Don’t fake it!
Most people are emotionally intelligent and sensitive. They can detect if your words and actions are genuine or you are just pretending.
If you smile at someone, give a real smile. If you tell someone “I love you,” really mean it.
Not doing anything is better than faking it! At least you keep some respect for who you really are and what you really believe in. There is an element of selflessness in being genuine, while pretending comes from selfishness. You often want something from someone, when you pretend to be nice to him/her or like him/her.
“Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you’ve got to say, and say it hot.”
D. H. Lawrence
If you are able to follow the above points genuinely, if you are able to make your Heart open and radiate love, you will become greatly attractive and amazingly likable that everyone will just like to spend more and more time with you.
It doesn’t really matter whether you are fat or thin, beautiful or not, a professional or a housewife to be likable. A simple genuine smile can make you attractive. What you really need is to open your heart!
- Master Choa Kok Sui. (2004). Experiencing Being, The Golden Lotus Sutras on Life. Institute for Inner Studies Publishing Foundation.
- Master Choa Kok Sui. (2004). Compassionate Objectivity, The Golden Lotus Sutras on Character Building. Institute for Inner Studies Publishing Foundation.